It doesn’t matter how long you have been married, whether 10, 20, or even 30 years, it is inevitable that both libidos could need a bit of an overhaul.
If you find yourself in this scenario, don’t fret, most couples need help along the way to keep up a great intimate relationship.
There are several resources out there that can help, but the main one is to understand what is happening and why it is happening in the relationship.
It’s one thing to lead and flirt with your eyes, but it’s another to lead with a brand-new approach, and this is what you need to do now.
You need to see your husband through different eyes than those when you first got together.
We’re human, it’s only natural that we evolve and change, and so you should understand that those years previously staying home on a Saturday night was the way to go, but now, the more time and living that has passed, you’ll see that there might be a need for something more fulfilling.
In the simplest words, your relationship has become stale, lacking spice as it were. Have you noticed when out for dinner at a restaurant, there is always one couple who don’t utter a word to each other, no conversation whatsoever?
They sit across from each other at the table, physically present, but you have no idea if they’re enjoying the meal or are even happy to be out, because there is no communication; they are simply focused on eating, and that’s it.
A marriage can dissolve into that if you do not care or nourish it—which is a big ask. Each day is a new and fresh start, so don’t use yesterday’s cards to play your hand the same way.
If you find that going out for dinner leaves you and your partner with nothing to say, eventually you will stop going, and it will become harder to find something engaging to do with them.
If you can’t physically speak to your husband as often as you would like to keep the spice in your relationship, you could consider taking guidance from “Text Chemistry”. “Text Chemistry” is an eBook published by relationship expert Amy North, with details and advice to help you spark the desire in any man through text message, including the single text message you can send to leave a man shaking with obsession!
Once you two are physically back together, don’t underestimate the power of touch. It doesn’t have to be sexual, just sensual and caring—what about a massage, you know he likes those.
Touch is just another way of letting him know that you think about him when he’s not around, and you like doing little things for him—after all, it’s the little things that are the most important.
At the beginning of your relationship, you got to know each other inside and out, but that doesn’t mean you’re the all knowing expert of this other person. Give the art of conversation a little more effort than usual to prove that you are still interested in your husband.
Make it a point to learn something new about him that you didn’t know before, be prepared to listen, and you might be surprised with what you find out.
If starting that conversation in-person has you feeling a little nervous, refer back to “Text Chemistry” and initiate these conversations via text before transitioning to explore them in person.
Start simple, listen to what kind of day he had and take an interest, make the conversation about him and try not to take over, a good conversation can go a long way.
Don’t forget to ask him how he is doing and if there’s anything you can do to make him feel better—a light caress and a kiss here or there can do wonders.
Feeling safe and secure around each other is a major milestone in your relationship. Those feelings will lead to a state of confidence in and around each other, allowing those good parts of a relationship to fall into place.
Once your husband is in a good place, thinking of you in positive and favourable lights, love and overall commitment will follow. If you find that both of you still need a little help, you could always speak to a professional.
A couples therapist’s job is just this, to finely tune those areas of a relationship that need a little help, and once those areas are tuned, you can identify the problem and start the healing process, together as a couple!